Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
