Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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