cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
