I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
