you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
tell me about the fingering
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