does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
