On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
soo... how was my night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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