tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
