Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
