I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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