you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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