Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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