he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
