There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
