After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
