Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
high people should be assigned attendants
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
