Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
