I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And then my night got REAL pukey
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
