we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
