When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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