you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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