You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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