Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
