the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
