she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
