Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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