I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
