I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
