I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
