it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
