It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
