so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
