now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
