From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This is the high leading the old right now
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
