just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
