we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
