Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
that may or may not have been my penis.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
