Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
