The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
