I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
