I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
