I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
