"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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