Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
