the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
