Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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