I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
