I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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