craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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