Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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