I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
