there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
