but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
