Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
