It's Friday. Sex?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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