Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
