somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I need to align my fucking chakras
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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