nut hugger
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
