Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
