Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
my nose is crying tears of wow.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
