Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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